Ik volg al een hele tijd The Autism Discussion Page op Facebook. Bill Nason schrijft met oneindig veel kennis, begrip en toewijding over autisme en hoe daar mee om te gaan. Sommige berichten zijn van onschatbare waarde. En soms komt er een bericht voorbij zoals hieronder. Over de strijd, die je levert als ouder, omdat er nauwelijks hulp is, je er zo vaak alleen voor staat en je het gevoel hebt dat je soms zo tekort schiet. Een hart onder de riem. Het ontroert me en ik heb het nodig. Bill, bedankt!
Mom/Dad, sleep well tonight!
With the challenges you face, and the limited knowledge and tools that you have, rest well because you are doing a fantastic job! You question your actions and agonize over what you do, do not do, or cannot provide your child. You are frustrated with the lack of services, or the quality of services you have; the looks , comments, and questions from others, and the struggles you face to advocate for ongoing supports at school and from professional agencies. You see the challenges and pain that you child endures. Unfortunately, you probably see what you didn’t do, or what you could have done, or what you might have done differently, and miss seeing what you do right! You don’t see the love, compassion, dedication, and determination you express day in and day out!
It is natural to question the “what ifs” and “could I do more.” However, if you get too wrapped up in the maze of “what ifs” you will miss the positives that make parenting special. Sometimes we try to do too much, and obsess about what we are not doing, that we miss the special moments that gleam your love and devotion.
It is hard to see the fruits of your love, when you are only looking at what is not occurring. Believe me, there is nothing healthier than your love and time spent simply enjoying your child. Don’t let those little times pass you by, or be hidden by your feelings of inadequacy and drive to do more.
Autism brings out the best and worse in us, but self doubt is what I see eat at parents the most. There are no givens, sure strategies, or “just right” decisions out there. We are still in our infancy in understanding autism. But I will assure you with one thing. Your children are children first, and respond strongly to the same love and attention that all children need and respond to! Your love is so obvious, to everyone but probably yourself. Try recognizing that, feeling good about that, and shielding the negative self doubt with that.
It is a long journey, but one that you are tackling it well. When going to bed at night, smile at yourself in the mirror, and sleep well! If you can assure yourself of your love and devotion, you should rest well. Slow yourself down, and give your child the two most important ingredients; time and love! They need that to feel safe and accepted. You also need that to feel loved and loving. You are doing it, so feel it! Good night, sleep tight, and give yourself a big hug!
It is because of you that I do this page! I admire and value your compassion!